A New Family
Matthew 10:24-39
“A disciple is not above the teacher nor a slave above the master; it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher and the slave like the master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household!
“So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.
“Everyone, therefore, who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven, but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace but a sword.
For I have come to set a man against his father,
and a daughter against her mother
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law,
and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household.
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
Sermon
Full disclosure: I did not pick today’s scripture out of a hat. The reading is selected from the Revised Common Lectionary—that 3-year calendar of readings for worship—and the lectionary sometimes creates peculiar connections with our secular calendars.
It’s ironic to proclaim on Father’s Day that Jesus has come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother. But despite that irony, it’s also the right day to proclaim it; because Jesus has come to redeem all of humanity and all of society — Jesus came to transform and alter our familial bonds, too. Jesus came not to affirm our assumptions about families and society, but to challenge and change them.
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This morning, we hear Jesus say that he has not come to bring peace to the earth, but instead, a sword. We hear him say that he’s come to set children against their parents and draw one’s enemies into their household.
For a lot of us in the room, this might be a message that is unsettling, that makes us wiggle in our seats a little bit. We might be especially uncomfortable if we understand Jesus to have come to build nice, 1950s nuclear families. It might be unsettling to think that Jesus didn’t die so that we could have Leave-it-to-Beaver families.
But for others of us in the room, this might be a word that is actually comforting. Not because Jesus is antagonistic to nice, nuclear families, and not because Jesus is somehow in favor of strained relationships. It might be comforting for some in the room because it shows that even if Jesus values families, Jesus values something far more highly: Jesus values faithfulness above all else; nothing matters more to Jesus than fidelity to his way and pattern of life.
“Jesus came to transform and alter our familial bonds, too. Jesus came not to affirm our assumptions about families and society, but to challenge and change them.”
Right after saying he brings a sword rather than peace, we hear Jesus state what is truly valued in this new household. Jesus says, “whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” This is what matters in the new household of God. Jesus says that all other faithfulness is secondary to faithfulness to him. There is no other authority on all of earth that outranks him, and no other loyalty that will ever matter more.
This is the ordering principle of the household of God. This is what gives shape and structure and boundaries to living in this new, reconfigured family.
When push comes to shove—when loyalties are divided between faithfulness to family and faithfulness to Jesus Christ—there’s always a clear answer.
This is by no means a denouncement of nuclear families, or an invitation to escape hard conversations.
But this is a new economy of relationships, where we let go of our own social conventions, and enter into God’s new way.
“[Fidelity to Christ] is the ordering principle of the household of God. This is what gives shape and structure and boundaries to living in this new, reconfigured family.”
Today’s text isn’t the only time Jesus gives primacy to God’s family over our own biological ones. For context, it’s important to know that across the four gospels, some stories and sayings of Jesus are recorded in only one account, while some are recorded in two, others in three, and only a handful in all four. When multiple gospel accounts recount the same sayings or stories, it witnesses to a shared memory of Jesus — a common understanding of what made Jesus… Jesus.
In three of the gospels, we hear Jesus show us his new household, where the familial bonds of God are anything but nuclear.
In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, Jesus is outside, teaching a large crowd and causing a stir. His family members come to him, asking to speak with him with unclear intentions. But when Jesus learns of this, he looks around at this crowd before saying this: “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Then pointing to his disciples, he says, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mk. 3:31-35; Matt. 12:46-50; Lk. 8:19-21).
We see in this that our new family ties are expansive. In being part of the household of God, we find ourselves with those we thought were our enemies. We find ourselves in a family of God that sometimes includes our biological family members, but sometimes doesn’t. But whatever the case, it no longer falls along the spectrum of nuclear and non-nuclear. It is far more grand, far more beautiful, far more expansive than any family configuration we could imagine for ourselves.
And then, after all this, Jesus then offers a final, concluding saying: “whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”
Not only does Jesus reconfigure the family away from blood bonds, but Jesus also changes its priorities. In following Jesus, we can no longer make comfortability or peaceableness our chief goal. He places his own cross—conflict with the present social order, opposition to injustice, and an unwavering vision of God’s love—as the culmination of this new economy of relating. So conflict is no longer a stumbling block to faithful relationships, but now a necessary ingredient in discipleship. Here, in Jesus’ new household, the animating principle is self-sacrificial love — living in fidelity to the pattern of Jesus Christ, even when it brings us into conflict with our own biological families and the status quo. The priority of God’s family becomes following the way of the cross — its mission, its prophetic witness, its paradox of condemnation and grace.
“Here, in Jesus’ new household, the animating principle is self-sacrificial love — this fidelity to the pattern of Jesus Christ, even when it brings us into conflict with our own biological families and the status quo.”
Christ’s reconfiguration and re-ordering of familial bonds strengthens us to live in equally courageous ways. It helps us ask questions not about what keeps the superficial peace, but what is just, and equitable, and life-giving.
This new family gives us the boldness to recognize that when spouses have affairs, our loyalty isn’t to them first and foremost, or even to our children. It’s to the way of Jesus Christ, even if it leads us away from the married life we imagined.
When parents or siblings engage in abuse, our loyalty isn’t to them. It’s to the way of Jesus Christ, even if it leads to distancing.
When family members speak or act in ways that cause harm—whether intentionally or unintentionally—our loyalty isn’t to them. It’s to the way Jesus Christ, even if it leads to hard conversations and confrontations.
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The way of Christ—which is so radical and transformative and prophetic that it concludes on a cross—that way of Christ doesn’t offer easy answers. It offers complicated ones. Hard ones. And thanks be to God, because far too often, we reach for simple answers to avoid hard but ultimately life-giving decisions.
Sometimes, the way of Christ leads couples to divorce. Sometimes, it leads to cutting off contact with relatives, especially after abuse.
Other times, it leads to grace, or second chances, or forgiveness.
But whatever the case, Jesus did not come into this world to make the 1950s. God’s family is not a nuclear, Leave-it-to-Beaver family.
In God’s family, we have parents in faith, who show us how to live as faithful disciples of our Lord. We have grandparents and great-great-great-grandparents in faith, who helped build the sanctuary we are in right now. We have children and grandchildren in faith — those who we love and are nurturing at table time and formation classes. We have siblings in faith across the country and globe, like all those people I’m going to meet at the General Assembly in the coming weeks. Which, as an aside, makes the General Assembly less of a business meeting, and more closely akin to a family reunion.
But whether following Jesus leads us into a nuclear family, or it leads us away from one, we know that this way of the cross isn’t one that leaves us on our own. We walk this way in the company of the new household of God — with parents and grandparents in faith, children and grandchildren in the Spirit. We walk it as God’s family, bound not by blood, but only by fidelity to Jesus Christ, in whom we have been adopted for all eternity.
